What to say when you talk to yourself Book Summary/Notes

Our thoughts and beliefs have been hard wired into us from a very young age.

The brain believes what we tell It most. And what we tell It about ourselves, It will create.

How successful you will be at anything is tied directly to the words and beliefs about yourself that you have stored in your subconscious mind. And what is stored there was decided for us by someone else.

Growing up we are told No and what we cannot do more than 148,000 times, while being told yes and what we can do very few times in comparison.

77% of everything we think is negative, counterproductive and works against us.

75% of all illnesses are self induced.

Our mental programming is majority fucked up.

Neuroplasticity – the ability to rewire the brain throughout our lifetime and ability to strengthen and weaken synapses, and create new ones – can help us make vital changes in the programming we accept from others, and what we say when we talk to ourselves.

There are three essential ingredients in order to making lasting and permanent positive changes in our lives.

1 – the concept has to become physically wired into the brain
2 – understanding how the brain gets wired and the role we play in the wiring process
3 – a new word for word set of directions, new programming to both your conscious and subconscious minds. Specific “programming vocabulary” worded in a certain way that can be used at any time to replace old negative programming with positive and productive new directions.

The only solution that includes all three of the essential ingredients that create lasting change in the brain is “self talk”.

To make long lasting change we must begin by fixing our old programming ways, the years of conditioning that keeps us doing things the old way.

Self talk – the practice of consciously and actively rewiring the brain with a more successful and new picture of oneself.

“Whatever you put in your mind, in one way or another, is what you’ll get back out, in one way or another.”

Repeated messages that we hear are wired into our subconscious mind. If allowed, which typically happens without our awareness, these affect, direct and control everything about us.

Every thought that we have is always tied to something else that we already know about.

Even new thoughts are instantly tied/compared to something else in the mind to connect the new information to so that we understand It.

The more we believe something, the more we accept other similar ideas about It.

“The more you think about yourself in a certain way, the more you will think about yourself in that same certain way. The more you think about anything in a certain way, the more you will believe that that is how it really is. The mind works that way because the brain always tries to tie any new thing you think to something you already believe.”

“The longer you have bought the thought, the “truer” It is.”

“Everything you tell yourself about yourself becomes a directive to your subconscious mind, and anytime you make a statement about yourself that is negative, you’re directing your subconscious mind to make you become the person you just described, negatively.”

“The human brain will do anything possible you tell it to do if you tell it often enough and strong enough. If you tell It the wrong thing about yourself that is what it will accept and act upon.”

“Our internal programming mechanism treats anything we tell it with equal indifference.”

“What we put into our brains is what we will get back out.”

“The subconscious mind is a sponge; It will believe anything you tell It – It will even believe a lie – if you tell It often enough and strongly enough. That part of the brain makes no moral judgments; it simply accepts what you tell it.”

The self management sequence

The five steps that control our success or failure

1- behavior/actions

If you do right, you’ll progress, and vice versa.

Why we find it difficult and don’t do things we know we should is because of our feelings, which influence and control all of our actions.

2- feelings

Actions are first filtered through our feelings, which determines or affects what we do and how well we do It.

Regardless if the feelings are rational, they control and influence the actions we take. If they’re positive and productive, your action will follow.

Feelings are created, controlled and influenced by your attitudes.

3- attitudes

Positive perspectives allow you to see opportunities ahead and set our sights to reach them. In order to process the kinds of feelings which work for us we have to have the right attitude to start with.

Attitudes are created by our beliefs.

4- beliefs

What we believe about anything will determine our attitudes about It, create our feelings, direction our actions and helps us succeed or fail.

Our belief about anything is so powerful that it can even make something appear to be something different than what it really is. It does not require that something be the way we see it to be, only that we believe that it is.

“Belief does not require something to be true. It only requires us to believe that it’s true.”

They’re created by our programming.

5- programming

What we have accepted from the outside world and have fed to ourselves has tested a cause and effect chain reaction sequence which cannot fail to lead us to what we program/believe.

Programming creates beliefs.
Beliefs create attitudes.
Attitudes create feelings.
Feelings determine actions.
Actions create results.

In order to change your results you must change your programming.

“Self talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious and positive new directions. Self talk is a practical way to live our lives by active intent rather than by passive acceptance.”

It offers a way to stop being a product of conditioned response, but governed instead by personal choice.

5 levels of self talk

Level 1 self talk (most harmful self talk)
The level of negative acceptance (I cant…)

Saying something bad about yourself and accepting It. The most frequently used self talk of all, the backbone of everything that works against us and stands in our way.

Doubts, fears, misgivings and hesitations are all programmed when we use this verbiage.

Level 2 self talk
The level of recognition and need to change (I need to..I should..)

Recognition of a problem, but creates no solution.

Level 3 self talk
The level of decision to change (I never..I no longer..)

Works for you instead of against you. When you make the decision to do something about it, stating the decision in present tense as though it’s already taken place.

“I no longer put off doing anything I want to get done.”
“I never get upset in traffic.”

Automatically rephrasing old negative cannots in a new positive way that tells the subconscious mind to wake up and make the change.

Level 4 self talk
The level of the better you (I am)

Most effective self talk (stated in present tense), what is needed most.

It’s positive, inspiring and encouraging. It excites and pushes us forward.

“I am a winner. I believe in myself. I have determination, drive and self belief. I am living the life I choose, and I choose what’s right.”

Level 5 self talk
The level of universal affirmation (It is..)

“People who typically think positively actually grow more neurons in the left pre-frontal cortex of the brain. This area of the brain is in part responsible for our ability to seek alternative solutions to problems, deal with challenges and maintain an even balance. The research shows that the value of a can-do spirit of positive thinking has had its core and important basis lender on structure of the brain itself.”

External motivation is temporary. When you rely on others to motivate you, once you lose that person the motivation goes away with them.

This is because we still have our old programming in the back of our minds, in our subconscious just waiting to turn things back to our old normal way of living.

The brain cannot store motivation.

We can decide for ourselves what should motivate us, versus having someone else decide for us.

The right self talk creates internal motivation that can help us stay motivated. You must practice to become your own motivator.

“Self help permanently rewires neural pathways in the brain through the use of conscious repetition.”

“With self talk, you’re in control, and instead of temporarily overriding programs, you’re actually rewiring neural networks to create long-term changes to the structure of your brain itself.”

In order for any self improvement concept to work, It must be easy.

We are constantly fighting against our time, energy and mind. When strategies are time consuming and difficult, our programming pushes them off to the side for the majority of us.

Five different techniques for using self talk

1- silent self talk

More awareness than effort.

Anything you think about yourself or anything else around you. Level 1 (I can’t) and level 2 (I should, I need to) shifting to level 3 (I never, I no longer) and level 4 (I am).

Subtle shift of no longer viewing from a negative lense to a positive and productive one.

Most of what we call problems are really only perceived as problems, The way you look at each of them determines whether they really are or not, you need only tell yourself to see them in a better way.

Don’t let your old programming talk you out of this as it’s just an old and negative habit that can be combated.

How we feel is mental and chemical it is physiological, if we tell ourselves that we feel energetic or enthusiastic when we are really tired at some point of this repetition we will convince ourselves that it’s true.

2- self speak

Anything you say out loud. Makes up an important part of the pictures and directions we feed to our subconscious.

What you say is a determining factor in whether you win or lose in life. The better your self speak (positive attitude regardless of any circumstances) the better off you’ll be.

“Listen to everything you say when you speak. Do your words paint a picture for your own subconscious mind you want it to be seeing? If not, change the words. Rephrase them.”

3- Self conversation

Holding both sides of a conversation with yourself, out loud.

In the morning tell yourself how great this day is going to be, hold a convo about It and how you feel about It. What you can achieve versus what you cannot.

By speaking out loud you force yourself to put thoughts into words and allows you to ask yourself questions and get straightforward answers. Surprisingly we are very factual in our responses and help us stop kissing ourselves.

4- self write

Self talk written word for word for yourself.

“It focuses your attention makes you think and gets you actively involved in the process of erasing the old negative programming and actively participating in the process of replacing old with the new. That kind of focus and involvement fine-tunes your initiative and adds energy to your determination.

5- recorded self-talk

Listening to positive self talk (podcasts, interviews, videos, etc), even while doing something else or not always agreeing with It can help rewire your brain, as your subconscious begins to program the positive new info regardless if you are consciously thinking about It or not.

3 step process for getting started

Monitor – mindfulness through meditation, being aware of being aware.

In order to change our self talk dialogue we have to start by being aware of what It currently is. As we make it a habit to monitor and observe our daily thoughts (the words we see out load, as well as what we tell ourselves in silence), we can see what’s positively and negatively impacting our lives. This can then help us with determining what we must change.

We are aware of less than 10% of all the self talk going on in our brains.

Edit – as we become more mindful we must eliminate any negative self talk that may hinder us. The moment we notice it happening, we have to edit it immediately and rephrase It in a positive light.

“When you hear yourself say something like “I’ve really got a problem with this…” turn It around and say “I can handle this. I’m a capable person and I handle problems well.”

By turning our negativity that we think and say into positivity, we are sending messages to our subconscious mind and through repetition they begin to physically program into our brain!

Do not underestimate this. Our subconscious has capabilities beyond the limits of our understanding. Self talk can vastly improve every facet of your life for the better, it’s just a matter of wiring it into your mind so that It then works automatically like a habit.

Listen – by listening to self talk phrases, and specially worded self talk recordings (even just in the background for a few minutes per day without any conscious effort), your subconscious automatically will rewire your brains programing.

“The key is repetition. The more often the same messages are repeated, the stronger the brain wires them in.”